Confidence After 60: Why It Can Change — and What I’ve Learned at 79

I don’t think I suddenly became less confident when I turned 60.

There wasn’t a birthday when I woke up and thought, Well, I’m getting older. I guess I can’t do things anymore.

It doesn’t work that way.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed that confidence can be tested in ways I didn’t experience when I was younger.

The world changes.

Technology changes.

Our bodies change.

Our roles change.

And occasionally something that once seemed simple becomes a little more difficult than it used to be.

At 79, I’ve learned something about confidence that I didn’t understand when I was younger:

Confidence doesn’t mean knowing how to do everything.

Sometimes it simply means being willing to try.

Getting Older Can Change the Things That Made Us Feel Capable

For much of our lives, we build confidence without even realizing it.

We know our jobs.

We know how to run our homes.

We raise families.

We solve problems.

We develop routines.

People come to us because we know what we’re doing.

Then retirement arrives and some of those familiar roles begin disappearing.

The job may be gone.

The children have lives and families of their own.

The daily schedule changes.

Suddenly you may have fewer opportunities to use the skills that made you feel capable for decades.

I don’t think that means those abilities disappeared.

The situation changed. You didn’t suddenly become less valuable.

Sometimes we simply need new places to use what we’ve learned.

I’ve Always Been Someone Who Likes to Figure Things Out

I’ve spent much of my life doing things myself.

I’ve worked on houses. I’ve done wiring and plumbing. I’ve installed flooring, fencing and even a furnace. When something needed fixing, my first reaction was usually to figure out how to fix it.

That builds a certain kind of confidence.

But at 79, I also understand that being capable doesn’t mean I should still do every job I did when I was 40.

There are things I can still do.

There are things I can probably do but shouldn’t.

And there are things where paying someone else is simply the smarter decision.

I’ve come to see that as judgment rather than weakness.

Knowing your limitations can be another form of confidence.

Technology Has Tested My Confidence More Than Once

This may be the best example from my life today.

Most of the technology I use now didn’t exist when I was young.

Websites.

Smartphones.

Apps.

Online banking.

Social media.

Artificial intelligence.

Sometimes I’ve sat in this office trying to make something work and wondered why something that sounds so simple has to be so complicated.

I’ve gotten frustrated.

I’ve made mistakes.

I’ve started over.

But I’ve also learned how to do things I never expected to be doing at 79.

This website is one of them.

Every time I solve another problem, I get a little more confident about tackling the next one.

That’s why I don’t believe technology is something older people should automatically hand over to younger people.

Ask for help when you need it.

But keep learning.

The satisfaction of finally figuring something out doesn’t have an age limit.

Trying Something New Can Restore Confidence

One of the easiest ways to lose confidence is to stop doing unfamiliar things.

The more we stay only with what we already know, the easier it becomes to think:

Maybe I can’t do that anymore.

I’ve discovered that sometimes the best answer is simply to try.

I was afraid of flying for years.

Eventually, I got on the airplane.

Diane and I went to Key West.

And I discovered that something I had avoided wasn’t nearly as bad as I had imagined.

That experience wasn’t really about flying.

It reminded me that fear and inability aren’t the same thing.

Sometimes we’re capable of more than we’ve allowed ourselves to believe.

Stop Comparing Yourself With Who You Were at 40

This one matters.

I’m 79.

It wouldn’t make much sense for me to judge myself by what I could physically do at 40.

Some things are different.

That’s reality.

But there are also things I have today that I didn’t have at 40.

Experience.

Patience.

Perspective.

Better judgment.

And a much clearer understanding of what’s worth worrying about.

Getting older involves some trade-offs.

I don’t think confidence comes from pretending those trade-offs don’t exist.

It comes from recognizing what you can still do—and appreciating what you’ve gained along the way.

Small Accomplishments Still Feel Good

Confidence doesn’t require doing something remarkable.

Sometimes it’s fixing something around the house.

Learning how to use an app.

Making a phone call you’ve been putting off.

Going someplace you’ve never been.

Finishing a project.

Helping somebody solve a problem.

Publishing an article.

The accomplishment may not matter to anyone else.

That’s okay.

You know you did it.

And one accomplishment has a way of making the next one seem possible.

Don’t Let Someone Else Decide You’re Too Old

Our culture puts a great deal of attention on youth.

That’s nothing new.

But getting older doesn’t mean becoming irrelevant.

At 79, I’ve accumulated almost eight decades of experiences, mistakes, successes and lessons.

I wouldn’t trade all of that to be 25 again.

There are things younger people know that I don’t.

There are things I know that they haven’t had enough years to learn yet.

That’s how life works.

We don’t need to compete with younger generations.

But we shouldn’t allow anyone—including ourselves—to assume that age means we have nothing left to contribute.

Having Something to Work On Helps

I’ve noticed that confidence and purpose are closely connected.

When you have something you’re interested in, you’re still moving forward.

For me right now, one of those things is Reinvent After 60.

It gives me problems to solve.

It gives me things to learn.

It gives me ideas to think about.

And it gives me an opportunity to take things I’ve learned during my life and perhaps make them useful to somebody else.

Your project doesn’t need to be a website.

It might be a garden.

A woodworking project.

Church work.

A trip.

Learning photography.

Helping grandchildren.

Restoring an old car.

Or finally cleaning out that garage you’ve been talking about for ten years.

The particular project isn’t what’s important.

Having something that makes you think about tomorrow is.

Confidence Doesn’t Mean Doing Everything Alone

This may be something I’ve learned more as I’ve gotten older.

When I was younger, doing something myself often felt like the definition of independence.

Today I see it differently.

There’s nothing wrong with asking somebody how something works.

There’s nothing wrong with hiring someone for a job that’s no longer sensible for you to do.

There’s nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know something.

I ask questions all the time.

Then I decide what makes sense for me.

Being confident doesn’t mean having all the answers.

It means trusting yourself to make the decision once you have enough information.

Final Thoughts

I don’t think confidence after 60 comes from trying to convince ourselves that we’re still 40.

We’re not.

And that’s perfectly fine.

We’ve exchanged some things for others.

Maybe we don’t move quite as quickly.

Maybe some things require more effort.

Maybe today’s technology occasionally makes us want to throw the computer out the window.

But we also have something we didn’t have when we were younger:

a lifetime of evidence that we’ve handled difficult things before.

At 79, I still encounter things I don’t know how to do.

I still get frustrated.

I still make mistakes.

But I haven’t stopped trying.

And perhaps that’s what confidence really is at this stage of life.

Not knowing that you’ll succeed.

Knowing that you’re still willing to try.