The Quiet Stress of Getting Older: What I’ve Learned at 79

Something I’ve noticed about getting older is that not all stress announces itself.

Sometimes it’s just there in the background.

We talk about the obvious parts of aging—our health, retirement, finances, medications and whether we can continue doing the things we’ve always done.

But there are quieter pressures too.

Will I be able to stay independent?

Can I keep up with technology?

What happens when people I’ve known for years are no longer here?

Am I spending my time the way I want to?

I don’t think about these things every day. And I certainly don’t spend my time worrying about getting older.

But at 79, I understand that this stage of life comes with some pressures that weren’t there when I was 40.

I’ve also learned that worrying about every possibility doesn’t improve tomorrow.

I’d rather concentrate on living today.

Independence Starts to Mean Something Different

When I was younger, independence meant being able to do everything myself.

I’ve always been that way.

I’ve worked on my own home, done electrical and plumbing work, installed things, repaired things and figured out problems as they came along.

Getting older changes the equation somewhat.

There may eventually be things I shouldn’t do myself.

That doesn’t mean I’ve lost my independence.

I’ve come to think independence is also knowing when something is worth doing yourself and when it’s smarter to get some help.

There’s no prize for climbing a ladder at 79 just to prove that you still can.

Good judgment is part of independence too.

The World Keeps Changing Whether We Like It or Not

Technology is probably one of the best examples.

I didn’t grow up with smartphones, websites, social media, artificial intelligence or online banking.

Nobody my age did.

Yet here I am at 79 running a website.

Has it been easy?

No.

I’ve had days when I’ve been completely frustrated trying to figure out something that probably seems simple to somebody else.

But eventually I usually figure it out.

And every time I do, I’ve learned something.

I’ve decided that I’d rather occasionally be frustrated by something new than stop learning because I’m afraid I won’t understand it.

Not knowing how to do something doesn’t bother me nearly as much as giving up on learning it.

You Begin to Notice Time Differently

When you’re young, time seems almost unlimited.

At 30, five years doesn’t sound like very long.

At 79, you look at time differently.

I don’t mean that in a depressing way.

Actually, I think it can have the opposite effect.

It makes ordinary days more valuable.

Dinner with family.

Sitting on the porch with Diane.

Taking a trip.

Working on a project.

Talking with one of our children or grandchildren.

Even having a quiet evening at home.

You begin to realize that these aren’t things filling the time between important events.

These are the important events.

People Don’t Stay in Our Lives Forever

This may be one of the harder parts of getting older.

Over the years, people leave our lives.

Sometimes they move away.

Sometimes relationships change.

And sometimes we lose people we’ve known for decades.

I don’t think there’s a clever piece of advice that makes that easy.

There isn’t.

But it has made me appreciate the people who are still here.

I’ve been married for more than half a century. We have four children and eleven grandchildren. Those relationships mean more to me today than they probably did when I was younger and rushing from one responsibility to another.

Getting older has taught me something very simple:

Don’t wait for a special occasion to appreciate the people in your life.

Money Can Create a Different Kind of Stress in Retirement

When you’re working, there’s usually another paycheck coming.

Retirement changes that.

Even when you’re financially comfortable, you become more aware of what things cost and whether your money will continue doing what you need it to do.

And prices certainly don’t seem to be moving downward.

I’ve found that I feel better when I concentrate on things I can actually control.

Question a bill.

Use a discount.

Review insurance.

Know where the money is going.

Check what savings are earning.

Avoid scams.

Those actions won’t eliminate every financial concern, but doing something useful feels much better to me than simply worrying about it.

Health Is Harder to Ignore

At this age, you naturally become more aware of your health.

You hear about someone your age developing a problem and it’s difficult not to think about yourself.

But I don’t want health concerns to become the center of my life either.

There is a difference between paying attention and living in fear of what might happen.

If something concerns me, getting appropriate medical advice makes more sense than sitting at home imagining every possibility.

And when nothing is wrong, I’d rather enjoy the day than worry about what could someday go wrong.

I Think Having Something to Do Matters

We’ve talked about purpose before on Reinvent After 60.

I think it connects directly to stress.

When I have something I’m interested in, I don’t have as much time to sit around thinking about everything that could go wrong.

This website is a good example.

Reinvent After 60 gives me things to learn, problems to solve and ideas to think about.

Your interest doesn’t have to be a website.

It might be gardening.

Woodworking.

Church.

Travel.

Grandchildren.

A home project.

Volunteering.

Reading.

Model trains.

Anything that makes you interested in tomorrow.

I think that’s more important than we sometimes realize.

It’s Okay to Enjoy a Quieter Life

This is something else I’ve learned.

There was a time when being busy seemed important.

Today, Diane and I enjoy staying home more than we used to.

I don’t consider that a problem.

A quiet evening at home can be every bit as enjoyable as going somewhere.

Getting older has helped me understand that I don’t need to fill every day with activity to prove that I’m living.

Sometimes peace and quiet are exactly what I want.

There’s a difference between being isolated and enjoying your own life.

What Helps Me

I don’t have a seven-step formula for staying mentally strong.

I’m not sure I believe there is one.

What helps me is fairly ordinary.

Having something I’m interested in.

Continuing to learn.

Spending time with people I care about.

Solving problems instead of worrying about them.

Accepting that I can’t control everything.

And appreciating an ordinary good day when I have one.

None of that makes the stresses of aging disappear.

But it keeps them from becoming the whole story.

Final Thoughts

At 79, I don’t think being mentally strong means pretending nothing bothers you.

Things bother me.

I get frustrated.

I worry sometimes.

I have days that are better than others.

That’s life at 79 just as it was life at 39.

The difference may be that I’ve had more years to learn which things deserve my attention and which ones don’t.

I can’t control getting older.

I can’t control everything that happens around me.

But I still have a great deal of control over how I spend today.

And today is still worth enjoying.